• Have you ever fall in love so hard it kills you? You can feel anxiety creeping in your back bone. The kind of fear with no exact logic. The what if he woke up one day and decide that he doesn’t love you anymore?

    Sitting alone with my juice and healthy food, I thought keeping it clean will help me clear my mind. But nothing can help you when you’re falling in love. Hoping that the damage is not too irreversible, that’s the only thing you can do.

    Nobody wants to be in pain. You’re kind of upset of how the same feeling that can move you, would be the same thing that destroys you.

    I am feeling this anger and I accept. I accept this feeling I have. I want to feel it all.

    I want to be FREE.

    Free from hatred.
    Free from attachment.
    Free from ignorance.

    Free from hatred.

    Free from hating myself for being vulnerable.
    It’s ok to love someone.
    It’s ok not to be able to be perfect.
    It’s ok not to always get what I want.
    It’s ok to be passionate to the person that I love.

    Free from attachment.

    Free from wanting to own something or someone.
    Free to be happy the way I am at the moment.
    Free to use my remaining time on earth to the fullest.
    Free to remember that I’m taken care of (by God, the Angels, family, friends).
    Free to focus on what matters to humanity.

    Free from Ignorance.

    Free to search more knowledge.
    Free to be more compassionate.
    Free to listen.
    Free to be enlightened.
    Free to find truth and the true meaning of life.

    Real change happens in mind, thoughts and speech. But karma, only will be changed by action.

  • I noticed something pleasantly different when I write my book last weekend.

    Now, the book I’m writing at the moment has a different difficulty level. You have to understand stock market like an expert, because I’m writing the biography of one. With my work during workdays and all that shit that happened in my personal life, it was so difficult to focus to write. I can’t write for so long because my brain just seem to stuck.

    But two weeks ago, I found these gems: essentially essential oils! I use Copaiba, which I bought because I burnt my fingers from nail polish remover (stupid wounds, really, but it might gave me new fingerprints, who knows?! ), and mixed it with Peppermint oil. I diffuse it, inhale it, rub it on my back and at the back of my neck. Suddenly, I’m back in the game! I write effortlessly and I’m now stopping only because I need more data from my client. But I’m almost finished on my first draft.

    While writing, I’m drawing to just let my mind wander. Now, I like drawing since Junior High School, but my drawing sucks. But I don’t know what happened, my drawing suddenly become less sucks!

    So Ika told me that Young Living has essential oil called Brain Power. Well, if a simple Peppermint can boost my productivity, then Brain Power may turn me into the lady version of Elon Musk! Ellen Musk!

  • I always need minimum once a month getaway and I’ve been neglecting this need for the past few months due to work. Just recently, I have moved past a relationship, opening a new chapter in life, and I want a new fresh start. So I head to Bandung.

    My friend Heera was opening her house for me, where I found peace, and the warmth of belonging. Spent my day at Bandung’s many parks and breath in as much as fresh air as I could get. Reading Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations once again, to remind myself how to be stoic in the hardest situations in life.

    “I am willing to be ok,” I said to all my friends who asked me if I’m ok. I do feel I’m ok. But, of course, sadness comes like waves, and you have to deal with it one day at a time.

    When I was a vegetarian last year, I said to myself, “Today, I’m eating only vegetables.” Not wanting to stress myself with the prospect of converting my whole entire life on being a vegetarian. And this also the same. Become perfectly balanced is a lifetime work. And only one thing I can say to myself, “Today, I am ‘sober’. I am aware of what life brings me, good and bad, it’s part of my life journey, and regardless, I choose to be happy.”

  • To conclude a total hustling week, full of Go-Jek ride from meeting to meeting, let’s celebrate it with a selfie and a new name, sort of. Was born as Aulia, family called me Lia, changed my name to Ollie when I was in university, then now I officially want to change it again, back to my root, with a twist.

    Just call me Llia.

  • My little brother just become a father few days ago. My first instinct was to get the mother a gift. Most baby gifts are for the baby, not the mother. And it usually very functional gifts, you name it: baby socks, breast pumps, etc. But I want something different.

    So, I know my sister-in-law loves lipstick. So I get her 3 lipsticks and 1 cheek blush in shades that she used to wear plus some other adventurous colors. I also get her flowers and teddy bear for Baby Al. And guess what, she’s happy with the parcel!